Wednesday, April 25, 2012

The Bunny

The last couple years have been a rollercoaster for me. So many challenges and life changes and I wade through each one as they come up. 

Every aspect of my life was questioned, no stone was left unturned. Light was shed on every weakness, every flaw. Meanwhile, every strength, every quality was tested and probed as well. 

The core of my very being was being attacked in so many ways. 

And for dessert add the dreaded, “Change.” 

Things started stacking up. Little things. Every little thing. And though I continued to wade through each one, I was starting to slow down. At times I’d have to take a break from walking through it, just to breathe. I can do this. I can.

I talked to God about it. A lot. Sometimes I wondered if He was listening. “Are you there? Cause this is too much! Can’t I just float for a bit? Coasting would be nice. I promise I won’t take it for granted.”

I started saying often, “This is too much.” 

But nothing changed. I wondered if maybe this “testing” was too hard. I felt as though I was about to buckle.

Then the littlest thing happened. Out of nowhere, for no reason, the glass front of my oven door just let out a “Pop!” and crumbed into a million pieces. Glass. Everywhere. And the darn thing wasn’t even being used. 

In that moment, that’s what I did. I crumbled into tiny pieces. I sat there crying…again. Darn this stupid “Change.” 

(FYI, I’m saying “Change” because I can’t handle the word menopause. ewh…)

“I’m alive, my kids and husband are alive. Stupid girl. Get up!” I said to myself.

After contemplating running away, I decided to get the broom instead. I started sweeping. But that wasn’t enough. Glass really was everywhere. So after sweeping, I got out the vacuum. Might as well get everything, just to make sure. I vacuumed the room next to the kitchen because…really, I am serious…glass was everywhere. 

Then it happened. A gift. Even wrapped! 

There under the couch it lay, a remnant of the Easter egg hunt a few weeks back. A small foil-wrapped chocolate bunny. How in the world did everyone miss this one? It’s so obvious!

And in that moment I heard deep interior voice….
“I haven’t forgotten you. I hear every word. This gift may be subtle now, but just wait. Someday I won’t have to be so subtle. Someday I’ll have you here. And there will be no more questions, no more worries.”

Then I heard a giggle…deep within.
“Until then, enjoy this tiny gift of chocolate…you need it. Cause, after all, you’re going through the ‘Change’”.

(You might ask yourself what this possibly has to do with science. Well, there’s how chocolate reacts in your brain for one. Then there’s always…”The Change.”….)


Robbie Iobst said...

Love it!!

Anonymous said...

you made me cry.

Loretta Oakes said...

Thanks, Robbie.
Dear Accidental Poet, I cried all day yesterday. :)

Anonymous said...

love it ...looking forward to following you....

Loretta Oakes said...

Thanks, Daribix...looking forward to seeing you on here! :)