There isn’t a single
person I know who didn’t have some sort of self-image struggle growing up.
Whether it was strife at home, a missing parent, bullies at school, or worse
situations, everyone at some time has had questions about their worth as a
person.
I remember running home
from school, tears streaming down, internalizing some comment from another kid
at school. My mother’s first question would always be, “Who told you that?”
It was invariably someone
who most likely had issues of their own, but I never saw it that way. The words
hurt and I didn’t understand why others would say such things.
The one hurt that stuck
with me through the years was the repeated phrase, “You’re ugly.” Every time I
let it fester inside, and every time my mother would ask, “Who told you that
you were ugly?” She always tried her best to wipe away the pain, but after a
while I learned to believe the “ugly” mantra about myself.
Once I started believing
it, I acted differently. My self-confidence plummeted, my attitude towards life
changed and I began to seek ways to make myself prettier…at least in my own
eyes. That began the life-long struggle concerning my self-image.
Of course, last autumn,
losing my hair certainly didn’t help. All the old “ugly” feelings came back.
All the pain filled my head, swarming my insides as well.
While reading the
Tanach, the Hebrew version of the Old Testament, I was suddenly struck by what
happened with Adam and Eve after they ate the apple. I loved the book’s
commentary about how God called to the man and woman in the garden. God already
knew exactly where they were, but He called out in order to enter into
conversation with Adam and invite him to repentance.
But what hit me hard was
God’s next question, “Who told you that you are naked?” (Tanach 3:11, also the
same verse in the Christian version.)
The same words I had
heard from my mother, “Who told you…,” came back smacking me in the face. I had
never recognized these same words were uttered by God.
And both times they
meant the same thing.
The serpent was
determined to tell Adam and Eve that they were not enough—that they needed to
eat the forbidden fruit to be more like God. They didn’t recognize that they
had been made in the image and likeness of God. Nor did they recognize the
serpent’s jealousy of them. They needed to be more…
So original sin came from
the original lie.
In that moment I was
able to see the truth. My mom would tell me that perhaps someone was jealous of
me (I couldn’t imagine why), or that they were struggling at home and therefore
lashed out at school. Even as an adult, rejection triggered those whispers that
it was happening because I was ugly.
Now I see the truth.
Time to let go of the
lie I’ve held so close to my heart for most of my life. Time to remember that God
made me in His image and that the serpent who has whispered the lie of ugliness
to me my entire life is wrong.
No longer shall I
believe the original lie.
Whatever your lie is?
No longer should you
believe it either.
